The moment you begin online dating you’re at a disadvantage, the whole process clearly favors women. No matter what service you use, OKC, Plenty of Fish, Tinder you’re going up against every other guy in the world at the same time. It lets women shift through a pile of resumes and judge the men who want her on paper. You can be denied the ability to simply converse with her because she doesn’t like your picture, a spelling mistake, you’re career, your listed height. Anything! So for men who online date the first hurtle to jump is getting a response from a girl you find attractive. Ask any man who’s online dated how many messages he sends out compared to the responses he receives back. Compare that with a woman who gets close to 100 messages in her inbox a day.
A lot of guys learn the rules and how to navigate online dating to maximize their response rate. They quadruple spell check their profile, the pic just the right answers to whatever bullshit questions OKC might have for them so they seem like they’re there for all the right reasons and finally the get the right pictures up that makes them look their best. But once they start messaging with women they find attractive and trying to set up dates they soon realize that online dating returns a higher flake risk than meeting a woman in the real world. Plenty of times they’ll message back and forth for a comfortable amount of time and when they ask for a date the girl suddenly is too busy or a date is set up only to be cancelled the day off or just hours before. Here are 5 ways to get past the mistakes and increase the odds of her showing up for the first date
- Ask her out in your opening message
A lot of guys need to remember why their online dating. TO GET A DATE IN REAL LIFE! You’re not there to find a pen pal or a best friend you can send countless messages back and forth to. So make this intention known in the first message you send out to her. Make your introduction, mention something from her profile then end with asking her to grab a drink. You’d be surprised how many guys brake up those three parts into three different messages. An example of an opening message I would send would go like this.
Hey there. I think it’s pretty awesome you’re a lawyer and find time to take care of five cats at the same time. I have trouble keeping house plants alive for the weekend. Long story short if you like great authentic sushi, guys with dimples and don’t mind a man who drinks whiskey from time to time I say we grab a drink soon. P.S extra points if you love salt and vinegar chips
- Make a date don’t be vague or coy
She probably won’t say yeah sure to your date request from the first message. But the point is you’ve made your intent known and clear. She might message respond trying to know more about you or where you’re from. Maybe something about what she does. That’s cool keep it short and light. Once A FEW exchanges have been made ask her to grab drinks ON A CERTAIN DATE! Don’t say, “We should have drinks next week”. Say, “Let’s grab drinks next Thursday”. If you guys are talking about grabbing drinks and she suggest a date that works for you agree to it. Don’t try to play cool like you’ve got something going on when you don’t, don’t say something coy like, “Let’s play it by ear” or “Let me see what I have going on”. Bitch you asked her out! You want to get her on the date. Trust me she’s got way more options than you do. Get her to commit to a date and time.
- Give her your number to get hers
Once she’s agreed to the date then giver her your number first. Usually I say something like, “Great, my number is XXX-XXX-XXXX if something comes up or you need to cancel just let text me so I know.” This does two things it puts the onus of her reaching out to you should she have to flake. Second of course should something come up on your end you’ll need to get in touch with her so she will most likely message you back hers in return. A lot of times after you’ve given her your number and she’s interested you’ll get a text back from her saying something like, “Hi, this is lawyercatlady from OKC, here’s my number, look forward to next Thursday”. Send back a quick text like, “Hey lawyercatlady, same here, I hope your day is going well”.
- Stop messaging, trying to be funny or “neg” until the date. Engage/Withdraw
This is the point where most guys usually drop the ball. You jumped the first hurtle and got your foot in the door. Then you answered her second round of questions enough that she wants to actually meet you out in public. You made the date and phone numbers are exchanged. You should have nothing else to say or talk about until you fucking see her face to face on the date! A lot of guys think by keeping the conversation/messaging going back and forth attraction and comfort can be built making the first date go that much smoother. In fact the opposite usually happens. You’re more likely to say the wrong thing or reveal something about yourself that will give her pause or a reason to flake on the date. It’s like being interrogated by detectives or talking to a psychologist. The more you speak the more you reveal about yourself. Get this through your head, when it comes to women and dating, there’s no such thing as “casual conversation” Everything has meaning and is due to be misinterpreted on paper.
Save the mystery for the first date. Save that joke for the first date. She said something funny in a message or profile save it for the first date. Save it all! It’s better to go in guns blazing with too much to talk about and say than attempting to build attraction over messages and texts. A lot of times you’ll run into a girl who texts you or wants to continue asking questions after the date is set up. A common response I’ll use is answer their question and text/ message back, “… I don’t want to get too excited here and blow our first date conversation load too early. I’ll tell you more when we meet”
- Flake Check the day before
The date has been made, you have her phone number. You have nothing or no reason to text and talk to her till the day before the date where you check in and make sure the date is still on. So if the date was on Thursday you wait till Wednesday close to the end of the work day but before late evening and shoot out a text, “Hey lawyercatlady, how’s your week going so far?” Let her respond hopefully in a timely manner, “Hey VK, my week is going great one of my cats is pregnant with twins. I took her to the vet and we saw the sonogram… How’s your week”. Then you Flake Check, “Awesome, I’m happy for you. My week is going good. Just wanted to make sure we’re still on for tomorrow night” or “Just wanted to make sure tomorrow night still works for you.
Do not wait till the day of the date to do the Flack Check. Girls now a days will get scared you’re flaking on them first so will go ahead and make other plans. Some girls may simply forget and make other plans and when you hit them up the day of the date, they let you know they didn’t hear from you then they flake.
If you don’t remember anything from this post remember when it comes to online dating your only job is to get them to show up to the first date. Make your intentions clear and known up front, make date and exchange numbers, flake check and show up. Anything else is doing too much, no matter what you think you can’t build attraction on paper or over messaging. What you’re really doing in the messaging phase is letting her know you’re a cool guy that won’t date rape her or you don’t have any weird social ticks.
Once she shows up sing her this little jam at the end of the night, guaranteed deal closer!