Yesterday Nate wrote a great piece asking if young men should be in relationships. I really don’t have much to argue with him or contradict what he said. For him he already knew the answer to his own questions. He weighed the pros and cons and without even knowing much the price of him giving up his freedom and staying in a relationship would cost him personally way too much. He wasn’t willing to give up more of his time and freedom to this one girl.
In the end it always comes down to looking at things from all points of views but more importantly the point of view that’s best for yourself not based on what other people say. After college I wasn’t in a serious relationship until I was fucking 30. Anyone who’s read me from my Empire of Dirt Days and before that knows I did my fucking dirt. But you know what the weakest part of my game is when it comes to women…. RELATIONSHIPS. I never learned the important skills and knowledge a guy needs to be in a relationship with a woman longer than causal hook ups. I never realized how the simple act of being in a relationship changes all aspects of your life and how to adapt to that change, to express myself, my wants, my desires in while someone else was sharing that space of my life. I wasn’t ready for the honesty and openness a relationship takes. I was an alley cat not used to confinement always looking for the next thing.
We talk a lot on this blog about self-improvement and realization on working on every aspect of your life. Knowing how to be in a relationship is another exercise that can’t be read about on blogs because the only way to understand how you work in them is to be in one. Now I’m not saying you should run off looking to settle down and get married in your twenties. I’m just saying if there is a girl you’d like to spend more time with than a pump and dump then explore a relationship with her. Test your limits and your boundaries with her. Figure out the type of guy you become in a relationship and if you like that guy or not. You have an open feedback from a girl who can observe you over a long period of time and help you work on your weaknesses as a lover. This is also a great time to figure out exactly what you want in a girl you’d settle down with to date the ones who have the girlfriend qualities you desire or think you desire. Before my big relationship I just wanted a girl that was kind and patient. When I got that I realized I needed more than that.
Relationships are great but the trick is to not settle for the sake of settling. Everyman has that voice in his head if he’s being honest with himself that says, “You can do better”. A lot of guys who don’t know game settle down with the first girl that decides to have them. To them the fear of going out and looking for another girl is way too daunting. He barely got this girl and it’s been YEARS and even though he’s not head over heels with her the thought of starting all over again is petrifying. The voice in his head came up when she suggested they move in together. The voice in his head spoke when she said let’s get a dog together. The voice in his had screamed NO when she thought it would be a great idea to get joint bank accounts. Years passed, she’s not getting any younger and she reminds you how many years she’s invested in you.
Your free time and energy is great but if you don’t have defined projects, goals and objectives to work towards then like most guys who know game you’ll fill up your free time with chasing women. Again absolutely nothing wrong with that. Should you be in a relationship should be determined on where you’re at in your life and what type of guy you are. Are you a pussy hound who knows that no matter how hot and great the girl is you’ll cheat on her and hook up with other girls anyways. Then you probably shouldn’t be in a relationship especially in your early 20’s. Are you the type of guy who likes having one girl in their life and then devote your remaining free time to other projects and goals and doesn’t like to worry about the time and energy it takes to find a new girl then maybe relationships might be better for you.
I suggest once you figure out you want to be in a relationship that you approach it cautiously and realistically. Know if you really like a girl besides just fucking her so don’t waste peoples time (As I’ve done). If she ever suggest you guys do something to move the relationship forward and you’re really not feeling the idea 100% then don’t fucking do it. But the best way to approach the relationship is to approach it in three month cycles. That is at the end of the three months reevaluate the relationship and ask yourself if you’re getting the most out of it or if you’re just going through the motions. Are you both still having fun and enjoying each other’s company or do you argue and fight all the time. Has your want or lust for other women grown since the last time or do you still really enjoy fucking her and don’t really want to go trying to fuck other girls. Do you miss hanging out with your boys and doing other things besides spending free time with her? Even if you answered positively to all these questions it still doesn’t mean you have to , it could just mean things are fine or you’re ready to switch it up and go back to being single. The point being with game you have options so never feel like you have to stay in a relationship you’re not 100% into.
For the record Jhene Aiko would be my GF long time!