The PUA theory goes that you’re supposed to marry a woman who doesn’t work at all. Instead stays at home and spends all of her time raising your children and being a stay at home mother who cooks cleans and takes care of the house while you’re you spend your time at the office making money to support the whole family. This is the most traditional gender role that worked for our parents, grandparents and great grandparents. These are the roles that will lead to the most happiness among couples and most stable family/ home environment for the kids.
As before let’s make some logical assumption. You live in a medium to big city in the United States (you don’t live in a small town where cost of living is extremely low). You are not wealthy or rich. You’re college educated. The girl you decide to marry is college educated.
Now for the most part to me there’s nothing really wrong with this theory. The only thing is it’s from an era of American history that’s dying or already dead. That Leave it To Beaver shit that made sense back in the 40’s, 50’s and 60’s even. Where every company gave you a pension and career loyalty to one company was expected and a company’s loyalty to you was returned.
The reality of the situation is that in today’s economic climate the era of a family thriving on one income is a luxury reserved for the very wealthy or financially well off individual man. You work in Finance, you’re a doctor or a lawyer and that’s about it. Basically you’re not middle class to start off with. If you’re not in one of those potential lucrative fields and you go into marriage expecting to be the sole bread winner then you’re putting all your eggs into one basket and painting yourself into a financial corner. That is why I’m saying that you want whomever you marry to have job and keep working and advancing in her career because it’s common sense.
A wise man once told me you want your wife to have skin in the game, you want her to be on tract and bring as much financially to the table as you do or close to it. Of course you’ll probably be making more money especially if you’re older than her that’s a given. But let’s just keep it real, starting a family, buying a home, paying for braces, saving for kids college fund and both of you retiring as a couple takes money. For you to make that kind of money to cover all that, expect to always be at work and never see your family…. Ever. What’s the point of being married and having a family if you never see them? Add to that what would happen if you lose your job for any reason. Without a second income there ready to take over should something go bad you’re leaving your flank open. In today’s climate do you think your employment is guaranteed?
Next up is leaving money on the table and quality of life. If you married a college educated girl capable of bringing in additional income and for some reason she doesn’t solely based on the fact that you want her to focus all her time on child rearing then you’ve basically wasted her education and you’re decreasing the quality of life you could have. Family vacations and trips, nights out together, saving for an earlier retirement and investing. When you think about it you’re throwing money out the window. On top of this if your wife is capable of going out and having a career and because of starting a family leaves that filed and doesn’t return the chances of her resenting you for that are very high. This leads to the obvious reason why you want your wife to have a stable advancing career before you get married.
God forbid you two should get a divorce. Remember that resentment I mentioned? Here it comes. Now I don’t care if her whole life ambition was to get married stay at home and raise 15 babies for the rest of her life. For ANY reason at all if you two get divorced. All of a sudden you will be the one accused of “forcing” her to be barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen chained to stove. She had dreams and could have been a rocket scientist with her two year associates degree from community college but you and patriarchy made her slave. So she will be getting alimony for the rest of her life. THANK YOU VERY MUCH! Sure you’re ready for child support those are your kids. But because you didn’t have the foresight to see what could happen should your divorce now you you’ll be taking care of her forever. Yeah good luck with a prenup.
With that said I know for sure there are plenty of women who don’t want to work or have a career and whose life goal is to get married, have kids and be a stay at home mom like their mother’s before them. These girls don’t care much for big life ambition and for them kids and family are it. If that’s what you want go for these types of girls. You won’t really find them in big cities so you’ll have to move. For other guys who do end up marrying a woman with a career and no intentions of leaving it after having kids I’d like to point out that a family that has both parents working IS NOT THE WORST THING THAT CAN HAPPEN TO A CHILD! Please believe me when I say that. Somehow his PUA theory would have you believe your kids will grow up to be social retards or maladjusted because the mother had a career is extremely laughable. As long as you love your kids and show them everything you both do are for their best interests then your kids will grow up to be fine I promise you.
Lastly I get the impression that a lot of young guys out there are under the impression that being that working and being the sole breadwinner in a marriage will give them some sort of power where they get to make the financial and all ultimate relationship decisions. Do not be so naïve. In the long run you working when she isn’t will not increase any so called power. Remember that resentment I mentioned?