To continue on my writing about Long Term Relationships (LTRs) I’d like to touch on one of the things that separates Gaming and Dating for being in an LTR and that is dealing with conflicts, arguments and just general beefs you might end up in with your girl. For the Game and Dating it’s simple, you refer to the very basic concept of the Abundance Mentality- Your words and actions are inconsequential simply because if she tells you to get fucked and leave, you’ll just make a phone call and have a new girl setup. In an LTR though, you can’t do this, you have to work it out because the whole concept of an LTR is that you are actively trying to keep things going. If you’re dating a girl seriously but could care less if she cuts and runs then you are NOT in an LTR.
Now for many of you who have read up and studied the concept of Gaming Girls this is gonna sound like some straight Dr. Phil bullshit, but in my experience it is the best way to handle these situations.
The biggest lesson for today is going to be learning to say you’re sorry. But, but, but admitting you’re wrong is losing frame! You might yell, but I did not say you must admit that you’re wrong. See when you get into an argument with a girl it’s not really about who’s right and who’s wrong, not to her. Men don’t naturally get this. If a problem can be painted black and white with a person at fault, then that person is at fault, end of story, but for women that isn’t always the case. Women seek closure more then resolution.
I first noticed this in my teens living with a single mother. We’d get into these stupid discussions that turned into arguments and on the occasions I was in the right, when I presented my evidence and backed it up with facts, the situation wasn’t over, in most cases it got worse. The more correct I was the more wrong I was. Read that sentence again, because it applies to almost every dumb (and most serious) arguments you’ll have with your girl. Men put an discussion to bed with facts, proving right and wrong and coming to a conclusion, but women don’t want that, they want an emotional closure, not a factual one.
Now this all isn’t to say that you should simply get on your knees and apologize for every little infraction, regardless of whether you’re at fault. While girls want/demand this emotional closure to an argument they aren’t blind to the facts themselves. If you start to let your girl get away with always being right, even when she’s wrong, you’ll wake up one day with cargo shorts, a minivan, and a fanny pack and cry yourself to sleep every night with the knowledge that you’ve become just another Herb.
My conflict resolution in a three step process.
~Firstly state why you are right, BUT, do not word it in such a way that she is wrong. Telling her she’s wrong, your’e right will only fuel the fire and make things worse and make a resolution even harder to attain.
~Secondly, as stated above, apologize. Do NOT apologize for being wrong if you are right. Be vague in why you’re apologizing. Usually apologize for getting into the fight, this gives you cop out for using the S word (which makes her feel better) and to me it gives you better frame, you’re apologizing for stooping down to something as dumb as fighting over something small. This makes you look like the more adult, more responsible party.
Now if you know you are wrong then yes, apologize for being wrong, in these cases you need to swallow some of the classic Game mantra and just own up to it. In this case step 1 should be you expressing why you believed you were right, making sure to state that this is how you felt/believed. Women speak much more fluently in emotions then facts, if you’re wrong but can show her why you felt you were right you’ll get a lot farther a lot faster.
~Finally, meet in the middle. If you’re right and she is wrong do not bully her with that fact, even a little, UNLESS a point needs to be made. If she crossed a line that you drew in the sand, then yes make her well aware that she did and that she is not to do that again, but if its over something dumb (it usually is) just let it be over. Not only let it be over, but tell that you’re understand why she felt the way she felt (even if you dont) because again, she’s speaking in emotion, not facts. Even if you just cant understand why she thought 2+2=5 just tell you get it, it’ll make a world of difference.