Teaching my wingman workshops has allowed me to get close and see how guys new to game are using their new found knowledge. Part of the point of the wingman workshop is me observing them use their interpretation of game in the field and critiquing how they d0. They all read the same websites from Roosh to NLU to ROK and to be honest there’s nothing new under the sun. So it shouldn’t surprise me when I see new guys apply game in an incorrect manner. I often use sports metaphor to describe picking up women so I will continue to do so here.
One of the hardest and most complex position to play in any sport is being a quarterback. You have to know all the plays in your team’s offense. You have to know all the possible defenses an opposing team can throw at you that’s just the basics. Then you have to understand and be able to read blitzes, understand coverage, call audibles, snap count, and know where EVERYONE ON THE FIELD SHOULD BE. All this information and it changes every year. One season you’re running a no huddle offense and the next season you get a new offensive coordinator and it’s a west coast wish bone hybrid or whatever all the cool kids are doing. You can think you know a certain team’s defense but then they get a new coach and now it’s something completely different. This is what game and talking to women is in a nutshell. Learning and understanding the concept and flow of the offense rather than memorizing a playbook and approaching each defense the same exact way. No two women are the same. Picking up a girl on Ust DC is different than going out and trying to pick up a girl Hst. Running game on a rooftop Saturday night is completely different than running game at a happy hour spot Thursday evening.
The one play I keep seeing new guys try and pull off incorrectly is getting physical early to build attraction with women they just met and are trying to pick up. The myth is the faster you escalate physically with a woman the faster you build attraction to where you can number close, make out, or even take the girl home on the same night. So a lot of times I’ll watch guys introduce themselves to a new girl and right away give them a high five, hug them, two kisses on the cheek, twirl them all within five seconds of meeting them. There is some truth to the myth and a lot of caveats to this move that if not adhered to will end up working against most newbies to the game. Back to my quarterback analogy. These physical moves are the equivalent of first and ten on your own twenty and throwing a Hail Mary pass into your opponents in zone.
How should getting physical work with a girl you just met out that night or on a first date? The key is in being subtle and non-obvious about the whole thing. You just meet a girl, you exchange names, you make small talk, witty banter, and get to know a little about her (GAGE HER INTEREST IN YOU) if it’s positive and you’re getting a vibe. While talking gently touch her for arm or if you have a chance and it’s noisy put your hand on her lower back (for a brief moment) and speak closer so she can hear you. The key to the whole thing is she has some small interest in you already so you’re building off of that. She’s laughed at your joke, she smiling and looking at you, she’s not blowing you out or looking around at her friends. The more desired situation is that SHE touched YOU first innocently. The conversation goes on maybe you buy her a drink then five to ten minutes later you touch her again on her lower back but this time your hand lingers “slightly” longer than before also during this time she’s touching you more frequently. You want to go checkout another part of the lounge or upstairs to the rooftop so YOU lead HER through the crowd holding her hand (if it’s a first date walk her to a nearby spot holding hands). Now, on top of all the flirty banter and jokes you’ve ALSO shown physically that you’re sexually interested. At your new spot your hands are permanently resting on her lower back you guys have been talking close and leaning into each other. At this point it’s cool to go in for a kiss or a little peck whatever. You pull away first and act like it’s no big deal. This will escalate to making out etc.
Two things need to happen with getting physical while running game. Minimum attraction of her to you must be established and I mean bare minimum. Second the physical interaction must start low and be worked up during the interaction. If you start out smacking her butt within five seconds of saying high and she’s cool with it, you better be fisting her elbows deep by the end of the hour. The truth is physically touching a female is such a powerful move that if these two rules aren’t followed more times than not you’ll scare the girl off. But guys new to game use getting physical way too early as a crutch or even a cheat code to skip the hard work of building attraction through spitting game. I know what many of you are about to say, that you’ve seen other guys do exactly that and get plenty of positive results from women.This is where we get into the exception and how to read your coverage as a game QB.
- Know your looks. A lot of guys that get away with getting physically extremely early, all things being able are very attractive guys. They know when a girl or a group of girls check them out or smile at them so the first criteria is met that the girl has a minimal attraction to him.
- Know your environment. There are some places where you will get more of a positive outcome getting physical early. A dance club, Vegas, house party, grimy hipster basement where you know everyone and your social circle is strong. As opposed to rooftop lounge at 3pm, high class lounge during happy hour, hotel bar.
- Know the type of girl. Believe it or not getting physical fast works on younger girls 18 to 25 than 28 and older. Has she been out drinking all night or did she just arrive and hasn’t had a drink yet? If she just arrived her senses are heighten you putting a hand on her at all will draw attention if it’s unwelcome d. Is she dressed conservatively or ready to go out and be provocative.
- Know her group. This is why wingman is helpful. You want to divide and isolate the girl you’re trying to get physical with from her friends or at the very minimum make the first few incidents of touching light and incognito. Any major touching in front of her friends will draw too much attention to her in front of her friend/friends and put her on the spot. Let’s say you are introduced to a girl, you ask her if she’s having fun, grab her hand and then twirl her in front of her friends. Now they’re all looking at you guys like, “What’s up with that”? They don’t say it but girls all have master that type of look. The girl you twirled even if she liked it will get the look from her friends and have to decide right there and then if she’s into you or not in a split second. Her friend sensing the awkwardness will suddenly declare she needs a drink or needs to go to the bathroom. That’s how the set is dropped. You didn’t build attraction with your girl, you didn’t win over the set to seem non-threatening.
If you take anything away from this post its that making a physical move is a powerful weapon that should complement your vocal game. You know you’ve mastered this art when you can sense a girl is really into you and your looks. Laughing at your jokes, touching your forearm and biceps, leaning her head on your shoulder slightly. This girl wants you but you barely if at all touch her back. After all I just wrote not touching a woman that’s feeling you drives them crazy and makes them want you more. Think of it like this, how many beta males would have tried by now to make out with them or touch them in some kind of way but not you because this aint your first rodeo and she’s not the first girl who’s ever wanted your dick. Now compare that frame to the new guy who just said hello to her, gave her a high five and picked her up for a giant bear hug within one minute of meeting her.