It is time for the final installment of our 3-part reader email discussion about Good Looking Dude Game. In the first part, we covered how good looking dudes often need to tone down their aggressiveness because they are intimidating already. In the second part, we discussed how the dynamic changes, almost for the better, with hotter girls. And now we’ll address our reader’s 3rd question-
Just a couple more questions (I am revisiting your email from last year because I’m coming up against some resistance from women):
1. As you wrote, women who are below an 8 are generally quite shy around me; how should I get around this and allow them to open up to me?
2. Should I focus on chatting to 8s and above, as they may be more receptive to my approaching them as a Good-Looking Dude?
3. What was the one thing that helped you progress from beginner level to getting laid regularly?
The single best thing that I ever did for myself was to recognize and internalize the fact that I am high value. That I bring a lot to the table, that I am more than good enough *as is* (though I can always improve). I solidified my inner game.
Growing up I was in the smart classes and had different interests than most of my peers, and thus it was hard to make friends (not for lack of trying). This caused me to become self-conscious and I often felt inadequate. Unsure of myself and convinced I was not good enough, I looked externally for approval and compared myself to others incessantly- all while ignoring my own strengths and abilities. This mindset took hold early and stuck with me throughout high school and into college.
My game was always decent enough despite this, largely due to my looks and smart ass nature. Stumbling onto the OGs- VK, Roosh, and Roissy- made me conscious of my game and allowed me to improve many things. This worked wonders and I got way more girls than I ever previously thought I could.
However, all these were tactics that masked my low self-worth. I was always in “game mode” because I felt like if I didn’t do everything right then this chick wouldn’t like me anymore. I walked up to chicks hoping they would like me and hoping I wouldn’t fuck up. The default mindset was “I am not good enough”. I developed strong asshole style game to over compensate.
The catch is, as I grew up I changed immensely, for the better. I became much more socially adjusted, made a ton of friends, accomplished a lot of cool things, job promotions, and so on. I had become a totally different person. My mental reality- “I am not good enough”- did not reflect actual reality. There was no good reason for me to think this way. My entrenched mindset- self-conscious, inadequate, trying to be like others- prevented me from recognizing the good things in myself.
Eventually, at a low point in my life in which I lost someone very important to me, I was jolted out of this mindset by what she said about me. She cried, wondering why I acted like I did, and why I had to wear this mask of some over the top, cocky asshole who didn’t care about anything or anyone. Couldn’t I see all the good in myself? Couldn’t I see the gifts and talents I have, things other people would kill for? Your friends, your parents and your brothers, me, we all love you for what we see in you and you push us away and you don’t even realize it. She continued on in that vein for a while before saying her goodbye.
I’d never had someone say something to me like that before, and the contrast between what the people closest to me thought about me, and what I thought about myself and how they thought about me, was mind blowing. My head had been so far up my ass for so long that I failed to look around and realize what I had going for me already, how much I already meant to other people, and that I was “good enough”.
I spent a long time afterwards mulling what she said and taking inventory of myself. Thinking back to all the good times I had with friends and family and appreciating them more and more. Cataloguing my strengths and successes- socially and in business- of which there were more than I ever gave myself credit for. Getting outside of myself mentally and looking at me like others do. As far as game goes, I reflected on the fact that I had banged a lot of attractive chicks, more than the vast majority of dudes will ever come close to- obviously I’m attractive and shouldn’t be so hard on myself. Reality did not match my mental space. I felt like such an idiot to have been so ungrateful and driven by low self-worth, when I have so much going for me.
It was a process, but eventually I came to accept and appreciate that “I am worthy”- I have a lot of positive traits that makes me very likeable and attractive, and I have some quirks and shortcomings that I own completely.
Now, I am ridiculously comfortable in my own skin. I walk with purpose and confidence in my step, confidence built on knowing that I have done great things and am capable of doing even greater things. Confidence knowing I bring value to others and that most people will like me. Confidence knowing I can be honest and vulnerable with those close to me because I no longer fear their rejection. It’s a feedback loop, where every day I am rewarded more for my confidence, sureness, honesty, etc and it builds and builds.
As far as the original question I was asked, this is not what got me laid regularly as I already was before. Game tactics, “outer game”, was enough to get me laid. But, it was a process, there was anxiety, I wasn’t congruent and my feelings of inadequacy hindered my success.
It was the final step of accepting my own self-worth, knowing that I am pretty cool and that I have every reason to live unapologetically, honestly, and with confidence… Inner Game…That is what turned my game to a whole new level. I walk into a place and I know that all these chicks like me- why wouldn’t they? I can go up to them and say hey and take it from there, and they find my attitude and confidence refreshing and exciting. Not to toot my own horn too much, but it hasn’t been hard to get girls since then. We call it Autopilot Game.