“I told you when I came I was a stranger”
She’s model tall and model attractive which means it’s not your typical type of attractive. You can look through all her pictures even the ones from her childhood and see she’s the awkward friend that stands out. The exact type of girl who in her youth a scout would stop in mall somewhere in Europe, ask her and her mom if she’d like to be famous and either go on to become supermodel or sold into sex trafficking. Neither of that happened she’s tall and Eastern European and looks it. The girl with the beautiful clavicles
The type girl that comes along to help you get over the other girl that went away. Her role in all of this is not to stay but help you transition. Even though you’ve seen the goodbye coming and you know how it ends, you find yourself doing weird things. You drive her to the airport and pick her up. You’ve cleaned your apartment top to bottom to impress her because for the first time in a year you kind of care what a woman thinks of your place. You actually drink a little less around her. You’re torn between if you’re actually trying to change or just hide bad habits long enough for her to go.
You wish you turned it off, that power, that ability to look into a woman and know everything there is to know about them. Although she’s a few years older than you this a simple woman who’s been so hurt in the past that now she’s ready to just settle for a little happiness. For a guy who won’t just pack up and leave without even saying goodbye like most of them do. In the darkness you whisper to her that you’ll never do that, you promise you’ll say goodbye, it’s the least one human being can do for another. You understand how gurded this woman must be. You date a man for five years he moves to NY invites you up for a weekend and then you never hear from him again. No answered calls no reply to your text messages… after five years? You live with a man for two years and you come home and he’s cleared out your joint bank accounts and has left the country. You’ve dated a handful of men and after a month of two they just stop returning calls or text. Every time you have to put yourself back together, you have to pick yourself back up and step out into the cold. You have to learn to hold back a little bit more
In the dark she tells me I’m different, they all tell me I’m different. That I’m like no one else she’s ever met here in America. I’m so easy to be around, I say what’s on my mind and there is no games with me. I can feel her trying to get close trying to get past my walls. Part of me is scared of her, how easy it would be to fall for her, how ready she is to be taken. I must test her. I get her drunker than she usually gets, a discussion about what we both want turns into an argument and a misunderstanding. In the morning she lays lifeless as I have sex with her. When it comes time to cuddle she rolls over and barely touches me. Fed up I get out of bed and start dressing. She wants to know where I’m going and I say I can’t do this, it’s too much for me that this is what I don’t need in my life right now, this drama. My shoe’s are on and I start to walk towards her bedroom door. Like a child with tears in her eyes she whispered,
“Please don’t go, I’m sorry”
This was a surrender and ever since then I knew she was mine. The problem is how bad did I want her. It was the choice men like us have the knowing that if I stay in her life eventually our thing will end in a disaster, I will put on that list of alpha assholes that ended up hurting her. All relationships are reincarnated from previous ones. You’ve stood here and been in this exact moment before, just a different girl. Part of you wants to go all the way, show her your childhood home, vacation with her in France, learn to know more of her ways.
“Let’s take it slow and see what happens”
The words a girl says when she’s afraid she’ll scare you off. On our last night together in 2013 in my bedroom I watch her undress in the dim glow of the television in the darkness. Her tall lanky limbs and brunette hair, she’s wearing a white ivory bra and white lace boy shorts. Her breasts are perfect B cups and her ass and thighs have grown the right amount of thick for her frame. She takes off her bra and doesn’t stand to be admired like most girls, but with insecurity dashes into my bed and under the covers.
She lays on her back as I lay half on her. I’m already hard and I’m coming out of my boxers. I’m kissing her delicately and run my hands down her flat belly and into her boy shorts. She is so small I can only get my middle finger inside of her. The smallness betrays the 5’10 size of her. She lifts up her ass and I take of her shorts and then mine. I slide the condom on I had next to me and get on top of her. She puts me inside of her and I wrap both of my arms around her hips and grab under her meaty ass. My lips sync into her neck as I give her a vampire kiss. She exhales, the thrusting is so deep and our body is so tight soon our stomachs sweat binds us together so that that our lower half is a mixing of limbs and fluids. I roll her over and on top of me. She pushes her self upright with stiff arms against my chest grinding herself inside me until she cums. Then bends down to make out with me while my hands grab her ass and work her up and down on me till I finish.
The next night I drive her to the airport and we’re silent except for the radio and we touch holding each others hand. She’s leaving to go visit her family in the Czech Republic for three weeks. I think to myself that she’s pretty now. Not on paper but in a certain light, in a weird way. She’s soft in a way a woman who’s tired and ready to be loved is soft. A willingness to let go for the right man. If anyone deserves it it’s her (the right man). If I choose to I can step into the blue with her. I can see us walking around cobbled streets in Paris, taking pictures together, the girl tall enough to be a model on my side. A pretty woman moment with her in a red dress and white satin opera gloves and me in a tuxedo. I kiss her hard, long and sweet. We say goodbye and I watch her walk into the airport and I wish I was going with her.
I get into my car and my phone beeps a text message,
“Hey rockstar, are we still on for drinks tonight”
With a heavy heart and mixed emotions I text back and say…